THE WORST STUFF EVER
(and how I fixed it)
(Part crisis aversion saga, part PSA)
I’ll skirt the details of how I ended up in Wh*le F*ods, 10 minutes before they closed, ogling the gelato aisle. I quickly grabbed what I took to be dark chocolate gelato, confident it would satisfy my urgent craving. However, when I got home, I realized I’d snagged dark chocolate sorbet instead. (One more reason NEVER to buy sneaky packaged foods.) I have nothing against sorbet, at least until now. I’m not opposed to frozen, dairy-free desserts as long as they’re fruity and refreshing. But chocolate? Come on. This is, without question, the WORST purchase, accidental or not, that I’ve ever made. It was icy and miles away from the ‘decadently rich’ proclamation on the carton, hardly chocolatey at all, more like a chocolate flavored Tootsie-Pop taste, if anyone remembers those. I took one bite and almost threw the whole thing away. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so I decided to perform emergency surgery on this poor, lifeless treat I’d spent almost $4 on. It’s not like I was going to make it any worse. The diagnosis: bland, as well as nutritionally and texturally desolate. The prescription: some dairy, some superfood, plus banana & peanut butter to cut the ice-watery mouthfeel.
NB: This isn’t a recipe I’d EVER encourage you to buy this product to make; it’s a last-resort solution. I hope no one reading this finds themselves in the same situation.
I upended the carton into the blender and added:
- 1 banana
- 1 c whole milk yogurt
- 1/3 c peanut butter
- 1 t spirulina
I blended everything until smooth, transferred the now smoothie-like mess into a quart container and stirred in some chocolate chunks. Back into the freezer to set, and hours later, the resurrection. Much improved, much healthier, but never to be repeated. Maybe it’s time for an ice-cream maker.